...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
