sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
