now i know why i became what i already was.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
