i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
