I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
