the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dignity is for republicans.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
