Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
