You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
