Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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