mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
