i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
