apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize