Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
