Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
