so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
