do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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