literally had 100 drinks last night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
