Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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