I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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