Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
