quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
