DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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