Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
