i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
