So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
