you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You took a bar mat shot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everyone says I win the strip club
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
