just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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