well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im holly from the hills drunk
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
