yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
