They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
