final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
