Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i came on her dog
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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