We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
