Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i think i just lost a toe
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
