Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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