I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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