He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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