I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
