I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
