If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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