I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
