saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
smell my finger.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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