every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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