sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
