The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
