okay pat passed out under dana's car
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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