I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize