think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
