Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
