I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
