he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
