her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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