ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
