So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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