I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its not stalking. its research.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children