Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
