UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.