I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo