Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.