I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor