Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How does one acquire holy water?