Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine