You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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