xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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