How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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