hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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