I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No subtext here. People are naked.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
