apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
