my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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