Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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