i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
