I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
handjob tips. give me some.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
