The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i out mim tonsoeep
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
