She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
