My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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