maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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