why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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