she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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